Midnight with Robert Shaw

A weekly film podcast
(and occasional written reviews)
adamquigs:

I hope they all die.

It would make for the best movie of 2012. Fingers crossed ASYLUM comes around and produces this gem.

adamquigs:

I hope they all die.

It would make for the best movie of 2012. Fingers crossed ASYLUM comes around and produces this gem.

GOLDEN LAURELS FOR PRETENDING

Another new year brings the Hollywood quest for self gratification which is more akin to defecation. Dignity is thrown out the window in order to win a statue that says, “BEST” on it. No human being has ever seen more low and expensive schemes to garner buzz and attention from a bunch of old fuckers who don’t even know what a blumkin is, here is a hint, a young actor or actresses will do it if it meant an Oscar. Usually these sad old fuckers haunt massive estates sitting at an old projection television set that weighs 800 pounds and burns more energy than George Lucas promoting Red Tails, their clawed hands grasping a 22 year old boy or girl off the bus from some middle American state, an oxygen tank up their ass, sucking on a Chesterfield in between yellow and black teeth, laughing at vaudeville acts no one has seen since World Fairs existed. And they DON’T EVEN VOTE. Their fucking assistants do. And if you thought the voters for these award shows were bad, the assistants are even worse cause they turn a blind eye to the evil. These people went to college and know the difference between right and wrong, they didn’t grow up during the depression or the good old days of strike busters. They grew up with cable TV and internet connection. They’re spoiled, lazy and retarded. And they spend more energy and time voting for some douche actor or producer that didn’t do shit in the first place, than any member of Congress that actually can fuck your day up.

      Hollywood is not a real place, it is a set. A set lined with people holding the walls up and not one is a Teamster. They all hold it with their bad hand too. And it’s a gimpy hand, with underdeveloped thumbs and middle finger. One nail is broken and black, the others are too long and have yellow stains with a little blood. But the one guy or gal who pretends the best at holding this wall up, is a winner. Even with the clubbed foot and bad knees, the son of a bitch can hold a wall up! Which isn’t true at all, he leans against the wall with his fat ass but from far away it looks toned nary a hair on it.

      You want to know who doesn’t play that game of holding the set wall up? Real actors. Real craftsmen. These unsung heroes are the guys who do the work for the work. There is no promise of accolades, because if it is a low budget film, you can’t afford the publicity to promote for a statue, hell, you probably can barely afford food. But so what? You have a cracker jack script! It attracted some of the best actors around, Gary Oldman, Brendan Gleeson, Don Cheadle, Nick Nolte, Emily Mortimer, Kim Dickens,  and it attracted Frank Darabount or the zombie Sidney Lumet. You know what that means? Nothing golden coming your way. Because a good movie doesn’t have to be good to win an Oscar or a Golden Globe, it just has to be a movie with a flavor of the moment attached. Not saying that the awards are always wrong, they get it right some time, looking at you Martin Scorsese. But they get it right ten years or twenty years too late. I am looking at you Martin Scorsese.

      In a nutshell, the awards mean dick. I will leave you with a true story on the respect and meaning an Academy Award really has: After Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, riots hit Howard University, where Hattie McDaniel Oscar for Best Supporting Actress  for Gone With The Wind was on display. It was a big deal as it was the first Academy Award given to an African American, the rioters trashed Howard University and the Oscar was thrown in the Potomac River, allegedly. No one knows for sure, but it has never been seen since.

So, when I throw The Artist Oscar into the Los Angeles River, no one will dive in for it. And I don’t have a black heart for not liking The Artist. I hope it wins a lot and it will. Small movies should. But better small movies.

Read the Script for 'ROCKY VS RAMBO'

scottaukerman:

Around a year ago, a few friends and I watched all four Rambo movies in one day.  We got to talking about how much fun it would be if John Rambo were to meet Rocky Balboa.  So we wrote a movie about it.

We wrote the outline on one page of paper (in gold ink), split it up into six sections, and each wrote around 15-20 pages, without looking at each others’ work.  I got the last section, and it was also my job to clean the script up, join the sections together, and try to get it to make sense.

Then we had a reading of it to hear what the others came up with.  And then we never did anything else with it.

…UNTIL TODAY!

So here it is.  Enjoy!

The writers:

Paul Rust (actor, “I Love You Beth Cooper;” currently co-writing the new Pee-Wee Herman movie)

Kulap Vilaysack (co-host, “Who Charted?” podcast)

Michael Cassady (actor, “The Office,” “Freakdance”)

Harris Wittels (writer, “Parks and Recreation,” “The Sarah Silverman Program,” “Eastbound & Down”)

Neil Campbell (UCB Theatre LA Artistic Director; writer, “Mike Detective”)

Scott Aukerman (host, “Comedy Bang Bang;” writer, “Mr. Show;” co-creator, “Between Two Ferns”)

Click on the TITLE of the article to be taken to the script!

(via popculturebrain)

2012 GOLDEN GLOBE WINNERS

Another year, another pointless, self-congratulatory award show. Here are a few post-show observations:

Gervais seemed neutered. Plummer gave a nice, humble speech, and was a pretty snappy-dresser to boot. I was really surprised to see Idris Elba win for LUTHER. Dinklage needed to comb his hair. Could he even see anything? Also, how much of dick was Fincher for not passing Streep her glasses? Ass. Seth Rogen’s boner comment was probably the funniest moment of the event for me, next to Clooney’s joke about Fassbender’s dick. Penis jokes never fail.

Best Motion Picture - Drama
“The Descendants”

Best Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
“The Artist “

Best Actress In A Motion Picture - Drama
Meryl Streep for “The Iron Lady”

Best Actor In A Motion Picture - Drama
George Clooney for “The Descendants”

Best Actress In A Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
Michelle Williams for “My Week With Marilyn”

Best Actor In A Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical
Jean DuJardin for “The Artist”

Best Supporting Actress In A Motion Picture
Octavia Spencer for “The Help”

Best Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture
Christopher Plummer for “Beginners”

Best Director - Motion Picture
Martin Scorsese for “Hugo”

Best Screenplay - Motion Picture
Woody Allen for “Midnight in Paris”

Best Animated Feature Film
“The Adventures of Tintin”

Best Foreign Language Film
“A Separation” (Iran)

Best Original Score - Motion Picture
Ludovic Bource for “The Artist”

Best Original Song - Motion Picture
“Masterpiece” from “W.E.”

Best TV Series - Drama
“Homeland” (Showtime)

Best TV Series - Comedy or Musical
“Modern Family” (ABC)

Best Mini-Series or TV Movie
“Downton Abbey” (PBS)

Best Actress In A TV Series - Drama
Claire Danes for “Homeland”

Best Actor In A TV Series - Drama
Kelsey Grammer for “Boss”

Best Actress In A TV Series - Comedy Or Musical
Laura Dern for “Enlightened”

Best Actor In A TV Series - Comedy Or Musical
Matt Le Blanc for “Episodes”

Best Actress In A Mini-Series or TV Movie
Kate Winslet for “Mildred Pierce”

Best Actor In A Mini-Series or TV Movie
Idris Elba for “Luther”

Best Supporting Actress In A TV Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Jessica Lange for “American Horror Story”

Best Supporting Actor In A TV Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie
Peter Dinklage for “Game of Thrones”

NEW RETRO WOMAN IN BLACK POSTER

With only a few weeks left until its release we get a brand new WOMAN IN BLACK poster. It’s got a great retro-feel, very stylish and a nice homage to poster-art before photo-shop and floating heads took over.

Thanks to Badass Digest for the heads up.

MARK YOUR CALENDARS - THE ARTIST!

Tell your friends and mark your calendars. We’ll have a review of THE ARTIST online this coming Wednesday night.

Pop Culture Brain | Movies TV Music Web Theater: Quentin Tarantino’s Favorite (and worst) Films of 2011

folkinz:

Quentin Tarantino’s official Top 11 of 2011

  1. Midnight In Paris
  2. Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes
  3. Moneyball
  4. The Skin I Live In
  5. X-Men: First Class
  6. Young Adult
  7. Attack The Block
  8. Red State
  9. Warrior
  10. The Artist / Our Idiot Brother (tie)
  11. The Three Musketeers

Others…

(Source: totalfilm.com)

JOHN CARTER OF WHAT THE FUCK?

John Carter of Mars, or should we say, John Carter Princess of Mars, or should we say, John Carter Disney’s The Black Hole of the 21st century, received a write up from the New Yorker a couple months back detailing the road Disney took in spending close to $300 million on a franchise yet to be. Granted, Disney has all the money in the world, but when you allow $300 million to be spent on a movie that stars that kid from Friday Night Lights and was the worst part of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, you might as well burn those bucks. This guy sucks balls. He is no leading man. If you spend $300 million, get Will Smith. Fuck, get Willow Smith. She could be Joan Carter. It would make about the same amount of money this fiasco is going to make. I don’t mean to attack the star, or the film, the article suggests that the footage screened received positive feedback even with 60 % of the film unfinished. And I love Andrew Stanton, but in this situation, no one is a winner.
    Apparently this is a film that has languished in development hell longer than any other film in history. The original writer was told this was going to be a movie for god sakes, he has been dead for forty years. Forty fucking years in  the ground! Where this movie should be. Not saying that this is not great source material, but when you put this much money into an unknown commodity you must be insane. I am sure Disney could make 6 other decent budget films that were sitting on a shelf written by great screenwriters, with brilliant actors attached to directors who have been dreaming of turning these scripts into moving pictures for one tenth the budget of  Carter. But it doesn’t have a sequence reminiscent of the fucking arena scene from Attack of the Clones so snake eyes on any passion projects that may have weight. Then again, passion projects turn to shit.


    Now I love a good pop corn movie. I think many are underappreciated in the grand scheme of things, but the best pop corn movies evolved out of accidents and tepid responses from the studios. Most of the freedom a pop corn movie had was the fact it was a B Picture. It was the movie no studio wanted to give notes on because it was a machine they had no idea about. They never questioned the mechanics of it.  If it was delivered on time they were pleased as punch. But now, every studio not only puts their greasy “organic” fingers all over popcorn movies, they think all they have to do is plug in a mathematical formula and all will be boxoffice gold.

By the way, this is the formula:

(Hottie + CGI) x (Explosion +Product Placement)   
(Comic Relief + Universal Plot) x (140 minutes)    = SUMMER

I hope John Carter does well, because if Disney wants to keep blowing money on these big budget science fiction epics, let them. Or we will keep getting Pirate movies with CGI Tom Foolery, fucking mermaids and shark people? Stop it!

By the way, Disney has a formula for that too.

Midnight with Robert Shaw (The Best Films of 2011)

Kyle and Richard return to the Studio City Palace to discuss their favorite films of the year. Surprisingly there was only a little overlap between the two. So give it a spin and let us know whether you agree or disagree over on Twitter (@drunkrobertshaw).

Wave Goodbye webseries

Producer Zac is trying to raise some funds for his upcoming webseries. 

Check out the campaign and feel free to pass it along even if you can’t give a pledge, we’d truly appreciate it.