Midnight with Robert Shaw (Reviewing The Woman in Black and Innkeepers)
On this review episode Richard and Kyle take a look at some recent horror films beginning with the Daniel Radcliffe vehicle THE WOMAN IN BLACK followed by THE INNKEEPERS a slow-burn ghost story. Listen close, just don’t turn the light off!
Yo! Just listened to your January 25th show. I liked that it was short and sweet. It was great. I was able to listen to it while cleaning my keyboard and blinds. Wow, that sounds like a bad combo. Anyways… I wouldn’t call myself an expert, but I think your idea of how the oscar voting system works is wrong. I could be wrong though. Your partner brings up the new trend of best screenplay going to the movie that wins best picture, but it used to not be that way, blah blah blah. You guys also discuss how if someone doesn’t get one award they may get it for another category to make up for it (George Clooney). I am pretty sure the way the voting works is that everyone gets to vote for best picture, but all the other awards are only voted on by those in that guild. So, only actors vote for acting, and only writers vote for the writing awards. This is how the winners can be from different movies. All the writers like movie A, but for best picture their votes become only a small ratio of all the votes and movie B could end up winning best picture.
While I wish I could clarify any errors made during the podcast myself I will instead send you to an LA Times article which does a nice job articulating the issue.
ANDY WARHOL SHOULD HAVE KEPT HIS MOUTH SHUT, FAME SUCKS
Why do people flock to Hollywood by the bus loads in search of fame and fortune? Why are they vapid, stupid, worthless and egotistical to boot? Their ambition is that of Shakespearean stuff, but they do not stride like a colossus they get a tan and work out, drinking Robeks juice and eating powerbars. They’re head so fat from their own sense of entitlement seeking fortune because they have 4 percent body fat and nice teeth and performed in a school play, once. Reality television has created these monsters of instant fame whores seeking the blood of twitter followers (follow us on Drunkrobertshaw) and Facebook Likes (Midnight With Robert Shaw on Facebook! Fucking Like it!)
Hollywood is an amazing hub of crazy. You can’t walk down the street without some one holding a headshot, which is a big scam by the way. Most casting directors for commercials won’t even look at those headshots you spent $700 bucks on. They take your pictures with a digital camera and send it to a database. So, fuck your agents when they force you to take new ones, cause they always tell you to take new ones. If one wants to be an actor in the land of La-La, expect to spend money. You need to pay for classes, you need to pay for reels, you need to pay for headshots, you need to pay for membership on casting websites that never give you a good job and you need to pay for all those crunches you do at the gym because no one has discipline to do them at home. But people will pay through the ass for this shit because it brings them closer to being a STAR!
Fame is the plague of the 21st century. Every one wants instant fame now and can get it. Every one in the world can be a star for 30 seconds on you tube. Every one can get a movie deal if you make a viral video that has over ten million hits. Every one can be on television be you fat, thin, eat weird shit, fuck any thing that moves, have big tits, have a small dick, have two vaginas, get plastic surgery to make yourself look like a cat, from New Jersey, or are a total douche. What happened to hard work and love for craft? It exists, I know, but it is growing rarer by the year now. Soon it will be gone and all we will have are cat videos.
I understand fame can be great. Amazing even. Better than any drug on earth because it allows you the ability to get and taste everything and everyone. Chicks, dudes, chick-dudes, but after awhile they leave you broken and blue balled. Just look at Demi Moore, that old bitch still thinks she’s 19, literally. She thinks All My Children is still on the air, Jimmy Carter is in the White House and has no idea what the internet is. Allegedly. She had to be rushed to the hospital for doing whip its and smoking herbs. Kids do that shit, grow up Demi! But it’s okay, she is famous and not under the laws of normal people. She will get scores of positive tweets in response to her ailment for acting a dip shit.
The reason this blog was inspired was the sudden and tragic death of Leslie Carter, I know, I didn’t know who she was either. But she died of an apparent overdose of prescription drugs. This happens a lot with famous people too. Her problem was she wasn’t famous enough. The stress of not being as famous as her brothers Aaron and Nick, pushed her to an early death. First of, who even remembers those two Aryan clones? If you can’t get out of the shadows cast by the Carter brothers what chance do you have in real life? It is a pitiful excuse for an early death but it happens a lot. People need to get over themselves and wise the fuck up.
Fame is a monster, to paraphrase that ugly fuck Lady GaGa. (But she does have a great ass and is famous!) No one is ever happy with it yet every one wants it so bad they cut all ties with family and career to lasso the moon. So many people have this urge to be a performer, because it is in their heart and they know they were born to do it! Well, you’re not. You were born to do menial tasks for menial wages and live a simple life. Put your attention and passion to loving others you fucks! It’s not like we live in straw huts and fear Highway Men with swords. We fear normal life now. Normal life is boring. Every one wants to rage. Very poetic, but in this day and age people live longer. And no one wants to see a 90 pound 50 year old with tattoos and pierced nipples dance all night to house music. Unless you’re into that sort of thing… Weirdo.
The Superbowl was boring, the commercials lackluster but there were a few movie teasers. How did they score? Find out below.
GI JOE 2
I liked this trailer. It starts off fast and doesn’t let up. The Rock quoting Jay-Z lets you know what kind of tone this movie is trying to set. Fun, fast and slick. The action also appears to be a lot more in camera as opposed to the CGI spectacle that was the first film. From there you get a few new scenes namely a building descent and a motorcycle turning into a bomb. In thirty seconds this spot does a lot to sell what matters The Rock, the tone and action.
Wow, this movie keeps getting worse, but I’ll still see it. I can’t lie. This trailer throws as much at the screen as possible but I’m still don’t think it’s really sticking. It’s looks too dumb to work and feels like a Transformers retread. While I understand that’s almost part of the marketing ploy people may feel burnt out on that property and pass on this FX extravaganza. Also, if the aliens only weapon are those giant balls the movie could really old really fast. And those outfits belong in a video game like Metroid.
There are two trailers here. The one America saw and the one that’s online line (embedded here). The actual Superbowl spot was just the John Carter logo featuring a number of scenes playing out. This was a disaster. No focus, no direction, just a bunch of random crap thrown at you in a vague attempt to grab your interest. That trailer suggests that they just don’t know how to market this movie. They can’t decide what to show or what will pull an audience in. They also have yet to reference that John Carter is a Civil War veteran. Are they afraid? It makes you wonder. The extended version plays out much the same way but includes a few old shots you’ve seen from previous trailers to fill out the whole minute. Nothing really new just more of the same.
This trailer featured the same issue as John Carter. One for the Superbowl, one for online (featured here). The TV version was fine, featured some old shots and a few new bits including a very cool 360 shot of the Avengers. Nothing particularly groundbreaking but it worked well enough. It does beg the question though, who is the central character of this movie? We still don’t know. I’ll admit Whedon has mentioned Captain America as the central figure but no trailer establishes that. There’s also no clear threat aside from Loki and no real story to speak of. I’m guessing Earth is attacked and the Avengers have to defend it but what makes that thread unique? Why should I go? Simply because it’s the Avengers? I guess so, that seems to be the only thing Disney and Marvel feel they need to sell. Now the longer trailer did have quite a bit that I liked. Tony’s line to Loki was fun and right from the comics if I remember correctly. Hulk’s ariel fight was short but a sweet taste of more to come. Iron Man also had a great sky battle that looked pretty intense. Also, it seems pretty clear at this point that the army Loki leads are the Frost Giants. Disappointed but I’m not surprised. Marvel is cheap and they’ve already got a lot made for them thanks to Thor so why not use them again?
After seeing this I can say that for a film that came out of the blue that it does grab you from the first few moments. The filmmakers don’t dwell on the build up to the main character Nick Cassidy (Sam Worthington) climbing onto the ledge. What I particularly liked about every scene with Nick on the ledge was that every scene doesn’t have any cheap looking green screen composite. Everything looks as if Sam is actually on the ledge delivering his lines, it is also refreshing to see Sam in a role that isn’t too action hero heavy. Any action that does take place with his character is all within the parameters of his former cop character and knowing police tactics before they happen.
Also, something should be said that it feels as if you are watching two different movies at the same time which can sometimes draw away from the suspense but here only enhances it. The other plot is a decent diamond heist that Jamie Bell and Genesis Rodriguez really make their own and are able to carry all by themselves and their chemistry really shows in their scenes together. Things could be said by the rest of the supporting characters such as Elizabeth Banks, Anthony Mackie, Ed Burns, and Ed Harris. Elizabeth Banks character seems very flushed out with her background established and acknowledged in several scenes between her and Sam and it doesn’t seem patched together and she holds her own as a strong female character.
Ed Harris, in his first seconds on screen we see how evil his character can be and how he doesn’t play a typical villain for a heist film and yet he brings that vintage quality to the villain you would see in a diamond heist film. The one character that seems to suffer from a lack of a fleshed out character is Ed Burns, we don’t know his motivation is in the film and he just seems sort of placed there. I would have like to see more action for his character and more screen time. Then there is Anthony Mackie who plays the best friend and former partner to Sam’s Nick Cassidy, which could have easily been a throw away role but Anthony brings so many layers to his character as there is so much going on behind his eyes but the payoff is a little dull in my opinion.
The overall scope of the film feels very large and there is only two major sets in the film, but it does take a rather dramatic turn in the last half hour and yet it still works with the overall feel that it started with. There is one stunt that does kind of take away from established feel in the beginning of the film but its not the center piece of the finale which was a great surprise. Overall, a very enjoyable film.
Midnight with Robert Shaw (Top Upcoming Films of 2012)
This week Kyle and Richard look ahead to 2012 and give their top ten upcoming films including DARK SHADOWS, WORLD WAR Z and of course the soon to be classic GI JOE 2. For the rest just tune in and find out.
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BIG TIT MAGEE? (AKA LINDSAY LOHAN)
In a world growing more and more devoted to shit and the those who take part in the shit, the name that pops up more times than it should is Lindsay Lohan. You remember her, the chick with massive freckles and who was in that movie that blew up Tina Fey and introduced us to Amanda “huge tits” Seyfried. The gossip shows have been blowing up over a new film about Liz Taylor that may spell Lohan’s comeback! Oh, wait, the movie is on Lifetime? What the fuck? Lifetime, the network devoted to women getting beat and kidnapped and tortured then finding a new love, while dealing with their chaotic work life as a single mom or barren shrew. This is a story? Lohan being sought after for a shitty cable channel movie of the week? Wow. Her career shot up to the moon! SHE’S BACK!
In reality, Lohan is a big pair of tits with freckles. Nice tits too. One can get past the freckles to a degree, but they take on a Julianne Moore degree of frecklitus. (Yes I made up that word, we live in a society that does it all the time. Look at Twitter) Lohan is not even a name, it’s a verb. EXAMPLE: I hope my career doesn’t take a Lohan. And a noun. EXAMPLE: Man, I just got a Lohan out of me the size of Lohan. She is a joke that no one has a punch line for, cause she’s still alive. Not saying she should die, but maybe it would be good for her career. Then she could be remembered. At this pace, she’ll be the next Nancy Travis. Remember her? Of course not. (NOTE: Nancy Travis was better than Lohan)
If one looks back at her career, one finds an array of turds. She had some successes, Box Office Mojo has her lifetime gross almost hitting $450 million, with Freaky Friday and Mean Girls being the bigger hits. Wow that’s a lot, right? Fuck no. Megan Fox is in less films and has amassed $750 million, granted that was largely due to Michael Bay but it’s still more than Lohan. So, if the grosses are what matters, why do I hear more about Lohan than Fox? What is the fascination? Oh, by the way, the new story over this shitty Lifetime movie about Liz Taylor has Fox and Lohan facing off for the role. FUCK! That means a chick that looks like Liz Taylor might play Liz Taylor! Who fucking cares! It’s Liz Taylor, she stopped being good after Cleopatra. And she’s dead. And if I see that fucking White Diamonds perfume ad from 1988 on tv again, I’m going after one of her ex-husbands.
Did any one see Chapter 27? The movie where Jared Leto gets fake fat and shoots John Lennon. I say fake fat, because all he had was a belly. No love handles, no bad skin, no stretch marks, no unwanted hair growth, just a belly with beautiful skin. But I digress, did you see Chapter 27? Lohan was in it for a second. Did you see her in Prairie Home Companion? That over rated Altman movie? I know its hard to pick out an overrated Altman movie, but try. She sings in it, that’s good, right? She’s so talented. They all sing at the end of the day, they’re fucking actors. Did you see I Know Who Killed Me? See it, she has a robot leg and is a stripper! That’s all she’s good for, tits! She’s displayed those monsters for free for years, then that old gook Heff pays her a million to let them all hang out. Good job, Heff! She still won’t jerk you off with that baby oil!
Oh, well, keep on trucking, Lindsey! If the Lifetime network stops calling I am sure TruTv, then Spike, then CMT, then HDNET, maybe BET? You’ll always find work because you’re the joke every one wants to tell….. And boobies.
It is the end of an era at the Yankee Pedlar Inn, a small town hotel that has been in business for over 100 years. And over those years the hotel has had its share of guests, including one that may still be roaming the halls, not as a live-in resident or staff member, but as an entity that refuses to leave after the suicide she committed many years ago.
The fact that the hotel may be haunted has always intrigued Luke (Pat Healy), and to jump on the paranormal bandwagon that has taken over reality TV, he’s built a website where he recounts the legend of jilted bride-to-be, Madeline O’Malley. Since this is the last weekend the hotel is to be open, he’s enlisted co-worker Claire (Sara Paxton) to record any occurrences that may arise during the final three days. With the hotel all but empty, they both take turns working the front desk and recording while the other sleeps in one of the empty rooms. There isn’t time drive to and from work when there’s only a little time to find and exploit the spiritual medium.
It isn’t until Leanne Rease-Jones (Kelly McGillis), a former actress-turned-spiritualist, checks in for a psychic convention nearby, that things start to stir in the night. The sweet-natured Claire is enamored by her as the most famous person she’s ever met, but Leanne is bitter and feels something isn’t right in this historic building. After her convention she has a heart-to-heart with Claire, warning her that sometimes things are best left alone. But Claire doesn’t head her warning and continues to try to make a connection.
The film doesn’t fall into the typical pratfall of jump scares every ten to fifteen minutes to keep the audience intrigued. Director/writer/editor Ti West (The House of the Devil) takes his time building up to his explosive third act. You actually get a chance to know spunky Claire and bitter Luke. They have such a wonderful rapport, partially in Luke’s infatuation for Claire that has a zero percent chance to be returned. They are two close friends that are able to spend the mundane hours of the flailing business just talking and still find a way to have a good time.
And when the stuff starts to hit the fan, you’ll care. You want to see them succeed and survive to the final frame of the film when the credits roll. Sure they don’t know what the future will hold for them as they hit the unemployment line, but they may just be able to get through life… if they can only survive.
West has become a master at the slow-burn horror film, which will please some genre fans while infuriating others. His style is one that harkens back to the pre-torture porn era of the genre, letting the sensation of terror build, and finally grabbing you when he feels it is time to pull the plug. Those who are accustomed to the films where a kill must happen every ten to fifteen minutes may be bored by the first two-thirds, but hopefully will be around for the final climactic act.
But West isn’t alone. Once again he re-teams with DP Eliot Rockett, who perfectly keeps his camera aimed not on what the characters see, but instead on the characters themselves. Sound Designer Graham Reznick balances the perfect mix of loud scares with pure silence to build tension, while Jeff Grace’s score pays homage to Bernard Herman’s days with Hitchcock.
The Innkeepers is currently available on VOD through most platforms and will have a limited theatrical release on February 03, 2012.
SIDE BY SIDE is a documentary hosted by Keanu Reeves. In it, he talks with a diverse group of filmmakers (James Cameron, David Lynch, Chris Nolan, Martin Scorsese, etc) about film versus video. This might actually be pretty fascinating, especially if you have any interest in making movies and the technical side of filmmaking.
On another note, Reeves might seem like a odd choice to host, but I appreciate his own curiosity regarding the subject and am even more impressed by the fact that he is also one of the producers.
It premieres at the Berlin Film Festival in February and from there the sky’s the limit.
In this episode, we review THE ARTIST, talk about lions nearly eating kids, discuss the possibilities of the Predator appearing in silent films and wrap up by admiring James Cromwell’s long and distinguished career.
Another new year brings the Hollywood quest for self gratification which is more akin to defecation. Dignity is thrown out the window in order to win a statue that says, “BEST” on it. No human being has ever seen more low and expensive schemes to garner buzz and attention from a bunch of old fuckers who don’t even know what a blumkin is, here is a hint, a young actor or actresses will do it if it meant an Oscar. Usually these sad old fuckers haunt massive estates sitting at an old projection television set that weighs 800 pounds and burns more energy than George Lucas promoting Red Tails, their clawed hands grasping a 22 year old boy or girl off the bus from some middle American state, an oxygen tank up their ass, sucking on a Chesterfield in between yellow and black teeth, laughing at vaudeville acts no one has seen since World Fairs existed. And they DON’T EVEN VOTE. Their fucking assistants do. And if you thought the voters for these award shows were bad, the assistants are even worse cause they turn a blind eye to the evil. These people went to college and know the difference between right and wrong, they didn’t grow up during the depression or the good old days of strike busters. They grew up with cable TV and internet connection. They’re spoiled, lazy and retarded. And they spend more energy and time voting for some douche actor or producer that didn’t do shit in the first place, than any member of Congress that actually can fuck your day up.
Hollywood is not a real place, it is a set. A set lined with people holding the walls up and not one is a Teamster. They all hold it with their bad hand too. And it’s a gimpy hand, with underdeveloped thumbs and middle finger. One nail is broken and black, the others are too long and have yellow stains with a little blood. But the one guy or gal who pretends the best at holding this wall up, is a winner. Even with the clubbed foot and bad knees, the son of a bitch can hold a wall up! Which isn’t true at all, he leans against the wall with his fat ass but from far away it looks toned nary a hair on it.
You want to know who doesn’t play that game of holding the set wall up? Real actors. Real craftsmen. These unsung heroes are the guys who do the work for the work. There is no promise of accolades, because if it is a low budget film, you can’t afford the publicity to promote for a statue, hell, you probably can barely afford food. But so what? You have a cracker jack script! It attracted some of the best actors around, Gary Oldman, Brendan Gleeson, Don Cheadle, Nick Nolte, Emily Mortimer, Kim Dickens, and it attracted Frank Darabount or the zombie Sidney Lumet. You know what that means? Nothing golden coming your way. Because a good movie doesn’t have to be good to win an Oscar or a Golden Globe, it just has to be a movie with a flavor of the moment attached. Not saying that the awards are always wrong, they get it right some time, looking at you Martin Scorsese. But they get it right ten years or twenty years too late. I am looking at you Martin Scorsese.
In a nutshell, the awards mean dick. I will leave you with a true story on the respect and meaning an Academy Award really has: After Martin Luther King Jr. was assassinated, riots hit Howard University, where Hattie McDaniel Oscar for Best Supporting Actress for Gone With The Wind was on display. It was a big deal as it was the first Academy Award given to an African American, the rioters trashed Howard University and the Oscar was thrown in the Potomac River, allegedly. No one knows for sure, but it has never been seen since.
So, when I throw The Artist Oscar into the Los Angeles River, no one will dive in for it. And I don’t have a black heart for not liking The Artist. I hope it wins a lot and it will. Small movies should. But better small movies.
Around a year ago, a few friends and I watched all four Rambo movies in one day. We got to talking about how much fun it would be if John Rambo were to meet Rocky Balboa. So we wrote a movie about it.
We wrote the outline on one page of paper (in gold ink), split it up into six sections, and each wrote around 15-20 pages, without looking at each others’ work. I got the last section, and it was also my job to clean the script up, join the sections together, and try to get it to make sense.
Then we had a reading of it to hear what the others came up with. And then we never did anything else with it.
So here it is. Enjoy!
Paul Rust (actor, “I Love You Beth Cooper;” currently co-writing the new Pee-Wee Herman movie)
Kulap Vilaysack (co-host, “Who Charted?” podcast)
Michael Cassady (actor, “The Office,” “Freakdance”)
Harris Wittels (writer, “Parks and Recreation,” “The Sarah Silverman Program,” “Eastbound & Down”)
Neil Campbell (UCB Theatre LA Artistic Director; writer, “Mike Detective”)
Scott Aukerman (host, “Comedy Bang Bang;” writer, “Mr. Show;” co-creator, “Between Two Ferns”)
Click on the TITLE of the article to be taken to the script!
Another year, another pointless, self-congratulatory award show. Here are a few post-show observations:
Gervais seemed neutered. Plummer gave a nice, humble speech, and was a pretty snappy-dresser to boot. I was really surprised to see Idris Elba win for LUTHER. Dinklage needed to comb his hair. Could he even see anything? Also, how much of dick was Fincher for not passing Streep her glasses? Ass. Seth Rogen’s boner comment was probably the funniest moment of the event for me, next to Clooney’s joke about Fassbender’s dick. Penis jokes never fail.
Best Motion Picture - Drama “The Descendants”
Best Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical “The Artist “
Best Actress In A Motion Picture - Drama Meryl Streep for “The Iron Lady”
Best Actor In A Motion Picture - Drama George Clooney for “The Descendants”
Best Actress In A Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Michelle Williams for “My Week With Marilyn”
Best Actor In A Motion Picture - Comedy Or Musical Jean DuJardin for “The Artist”
Best Supporting Actress In A Motion Picture Octavia Spencer for “The Help”
Best Supporting Actor In A Motion Picture Christopher Plummer for “Beginners”
Best Director - Motion Picture Martin Scorsese for “Hugo”
Best Screenplay - Motion Picture Woody Allen for “Midnight in Paris”
Best Animated Feature Film “The Adventures of Tintin”
Best Foreign Language Film “A Separation” (Iran)
Best Original Score - Motion Picture Ludovic Bource for “The Artist”
Best Original Song - Motion Picture “Masterpiece” from “W.E.”
Best TV Series - Drama “Homeland” (Showtime)
Best TV Series - Comedy or Musical “Modern Family” (ABC)
Best Mini-Series or TV Movie “Downton Abbey” (PBS)
Best Actress In A TV Series - Drama Claire Danes for “Homeland”
Best Actor In A TV Series - Drama Kelsey Grammer for “Boss”
Best Actress In A TV Series - Comedy Or Musical Laura Dern for “Enlightened”
Best Actor In A TV Series - Comedy Or Musical Matt Le Blanc for “Episodes”
Best Actress In A Mini-Series or TV Movie Kate Winslet for “Mildred Pierce”
Best Actor In A Mini-Series or TV Movie Idris Elba for “Luther”
Best Supporting Actress In A TV Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie Jessica Lange for “American Horror Story”
Best Supporting Actor In A TV Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie Peter Dinklage for “Game of Thrones”
With only a few weeks left until its release we get a brand new WOMAN IN BLACK poster. It’s got a great retro-feel, very stylish and a nice homage to poster-art before photo-shop and floating heads took over.
John Carter of Mars, or should we say, John Carter Princess of Mars, or should we say, John Carter Disney’s The Black Hole of the 21st century, received a write up from the New Yorker a couple months back detailing the road Disney took in spending close to $300 million on a franchise yet to be. Granted, Disney has all the money in the world, but when you allow $300 million to be spent on a movie that stars that kid from Friday Night Lights and was the worst part of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, you might as well burn those bucks. This guy sucks balls. He is no leading man. If you spend $300 million, get Will Smith. Fuck, get Willow Smith. She could be Joan Carter. It would make about the same amount of money this fiasco is going to make. I don’t mean to attack the star, or the film, the article suggests that the footage screened received positive feedback even with 60 % of the film unfinished. And I love Andrew Stanton, but in this situation, no one is a winner. Apparently this is a film that has languished in development hell longer than any other film in history. The original writer was told this was going to be a movie for god sakes, he has been dead for forty years. Forty fucking years in the ground! Where this movie should be. Not saying that this is not great source material, but when you put this much money into an unknown commodity you must be insane. I am sure Disney could make 6 other decent budget films that were sitting on a shelf written by great screenwriters, with brilliant actors attached to directors who have been dreaming of turning these scripts into moving pictures for one tenth the budget of Carter. But it doesn’t have a sequence reminiscent of the fucking arena scene from Attack of the Clones so snake eyes on any passion projects that may have weight. Then again, passion projects turn to shit.
Now I love a good pop corn movie. I think many are underappreciated in the grand scheme of things, but the best pop corn movies evolved out of accidents and tepid responses from the studios. Most of the freedom a pop corn movie had was the fact it was a B Picture. It was the movie no studio wanted to give notes on because it was a machine they had no idea about. They never questioned the mechanics of it. If it was delivered on time they were pleased as punch. But now, every studio not only puts their greasy “organic” fingers all over popcorn movies, they think all they have to do is plug in a mathematical formula and all will be boxoffice gold.
By the way, this is the formula:
(Hottie + CGI) x (Explosion +Product Placement) (Comic Relief + Universal Plot) x (140 minutes) = SUMMER
I hope John Carter does well, because if Disney wants to keep blowing money on these big budget science fiction epics, let them. Or we will keep getting Pirate movies with CGI Tom Foolery, fucking mermaids and shark people? Stop it!
Midnight with Robert Shaw (The Best Films of 2011)
Kyle and Richard return to the Studio City Palace to discuss their favorite films of the year. Surprisingly there was only a little overlap between the two. So give it a spin and let us know whether you agree or disagree over on Twitter (@drunkrobertshaw).
Producer Zac's Best/Worst & Every Film inbetween List of 2011
So here I am once again with my yearly list of films that were released theatrically within the calendar year. No, not all these films were watched on the big screen, but instead a mixture of the theater, DVD and streaming was employed. While I thought my viewing habits would have fallen off in the last 12 months, there was actually a slight uptick.
Overall, I think 2011 was a mediocre year. Yeah, there was some great films out there, but there was also a lot of middle ground. The top and bottom ten films were easier to figure out. Those that are in the 26-95 spots, it was a little more difficult for me to figure out what should or shouldn’t go above one another. So if I were to do this a week from now, some stuff might shift up or down. But I’m pretty secure in my top and bottom 10. Semi-sure with the top and bottom 25.
I should quit babbling and get to the list. Here it goes:
121: Red Riding Hood – This Twilight-like version of the Red Riding Hood tale had more laughs for me than anything else. The dialogue was horrible, the acting was horrible and I just couldn’t wait for this to end. If I was there alone I’m 110% certain I would have walked out of this. At least seeing The Room for the millionth time afterwards quickly washed the memory of this movie away until I made the yearly list. 120: Sleeping Beauty – Boring. Pretentious. Not even Emily Browning getting naked could save this flick. 119: Green Lantern – The worst of the super hero films in a long time. The origin story took too long to setup, and once it was going, it felt like a long muddled montage for the second act. Ryan Reynolds, you’re better than this. 118: Kaboom – Gregg Araki is really hit or miss with me. While I loved Mysterious Skin, this film was more on par with Doom Generation… and that’s not a good thing. Well, at least for me. 117: The Dilemma – Was I supposed to laugh? I didn’t. And thankfully Vince was given his contractually obligated speech in the movie… 116: Melancholia – This isn’t a spoiler because you find out in the first five minutes, but a planet is crashing towards Earth that has been hidden behind the sun for many years. The opening five minutes are beautiful before it segues into a boring mess of people being depressed for the next two hours. I just wish Melancholia would have crashed into Earth at the end of the opening credit sequence and saved me from the painstakingly slow two hours. 115: Hall Pass – Hey Farrelly Brothers, what happened to you guys being funny? I need more films like the first three you had out of the gate. 114: Sucker Punch – Emily Browning’s second appearance on the bottom 10. I would go into what I hated about this film, but it would spoil the ending for those who haven’t been subjected to this. This is what Hollywood gets wrong about the Comic Con crowd… 113: Sympathy for Delicious – Mark Ruffalo, please stick to acting. The melodrama in this was just too much. 112: Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – See #113 regarding the melodrama note. Such awards-bait that fails on every level. 111: Archie’s Final Project 110: Happythankyoumoreplease 109: Sarah’s Key 108: Scream 4 107: Go For It 106: Restless 105: Hobo with a Shotgun 104: The Roommate 103: Judy Moody and the Not Bummer Summer 102: Arthur 101: Your Highness 100: The Ledge 99: Beastly 98: Prom 97: The Hangover 2 96: Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark 95: Just Go With It 94: Good Neighbors 93: Trust 92: The Sitter 91: The Right 90: Thor 89: Beautiful Boy 88: The Change Up 87: Paul 86: Trollhunter 85: Everything Must Go 84: 30 Minutes or Less 83: Green Hornet 82: A Good Old Fashioned Orgy 81: No Strings Attached 80: Pom Wonder Presents: The Greatest Movie Every Sold 79: Machine Gun Preacher 78: Anonymous 77: Paranormal Activity 3 76: Unknown 75: Battle: Los Angeles 74: Super 73: Bad Teacher 72: A Little Help 71: Transformers: Dark side of the Moon 70: Lincoln Lawyer 69: Make Believe 68: A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas 3D 67: Our Idiot Brother 66: Hesher 65: Friends with Benefits 64: The Myth of the American Sleepover 63: Albert Nobbs 62: Captain America: The First Avenger 61: A Horrible Way to Die 60: Limitless 59: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 58: Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Roderick Rules 57: Take Me Home Tonight 56: The Last Circus 55: The Help 54: Shame 53: Contagion 52: Pearl Jam Twenty 51: Barney’s Version 50: Horrible Bosses 49: Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop 48: Hugo – I’m sure I’ll get hate for having this so low on the list. It was beautifully shot and I get the message of this being a love letter to cinema… but it was uneven, long, boring, and had two separate and incomplete stories. Had this been directed by any other person this film would NOT be getting the love that is being heaped upon it. 47: Insidious – Had the opportunity to be a top 25 film had it not taken a nose dive tonally in the second half. 46: Another Earth 45: Super 8 44: Exporting Raymond 43: Carnage 42: Red State 41: Young Adult 40: Rango 39: Senna 38: My Week with Marilyn 37: The Beaver 36: Cedar Rapids 35: Tabloid 34: Crazy, Stupid, Love 33: Incendies 32: Beginners 31: Page One: A Year Inside the New York Times 30: Corman’s World 29: War Horse 28: Hanna 27: Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol 26: Rampart 25: The Muppets 24: The Woman – This was probably the most uncomfortable experience I’ve ever had in a film. I just wanted to yell at the dogs to shut the hell up… but the end. Oh my. Didn’t see it coming… Had this film not given me such a strong reaction it might not of ended up so high on the list. 23: Margin Call 22: Source Code 21: Tucker and Dale Vs Evil 20: Bellflower – Had a chance to be a top 10 film… 19: Finding Joe 18: 13 Assassins 17: Midnight in Paris 16: I Saw the Devil 15: Bridesmaids 14: The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo 13: Submarine 12: Like Crazy 11: The Tree of Life 10: Moneyball – Maybe I’m influenced by being a lifelong A’s fan… but I still dug this underdog story and have added the book to my must-read list. 9: Rise of the Planet of the Apes – A quick side note, the only Apes film I’ve seen before this was the debacle that was made by Tim Burton. But I loved this film. The best of what tentpoles need to be to keep Hollywood afloat. 8: 50/50 – A great script by Will Reiser who personally went through his own battle with cancer. Somehow this one missed the mark and never found an audience, but hopefully it will end up on more top 10 lists and eventually find an audience. It is a perfect blend of comedy and drama without going into the melodrama that the subject matter could easily bring forth. 7: The Artist – The better love letter to cinema than Hugo. 6: A Separation – I’m calling it now, this should easily win the best Foreign Language Oscar this year. Thankfully this was the last film I watched in 2011 and was glad it could make my list. 5: The Descendants – I’m a life long fan of Payne (and Clooney). Hopefully he doesn’t take as long to make his next film like he did with this after Sideways. 4: Warrior – A film that was botched in its marketing. A griping family drama with two of the best performances of the year: Tom Hardy and Nick Nolte… 3: Attack the Block – Easily the most fun I had at the theaters this year. But the pacing, the action, the non-stereotypical look of the aliens. A total package that also didn’t find an audience here in the states. 2: We need to Talk about Kevin – Tough subject matter that is anchored by award winning performances from Swinton and Ezra Miller. While some might not like it, as a filmmaking standpoint, Lynne Ramsey should be nominated for a directing Oscar. 1: Drive – Tonally all over the place. Violent. Slow. But dammit, it works for me. From the opening chase scene in downtown LA, the slow romance and the out-of-nowhere violence… This film was a fun ride and one of the few films I could watch over again.
Well there you have it. What films did you like/hate? What places was I way off the mark on? Write comments as I’d love to discuss this further…
Here’s hoping 2012 is an even better year of film.